Parenting Skills 101
Like every other job, you’re a better parent once you’ve taken the time to master some basic skills. These parenting skills are simple but effective when used consistently. With each skill, you’re aiming to stay in control, but also to empower your child to make their own choices and take their own responsibility: a good mum or dad will parent themselves out of a job!
1) Learn to listen and acknowledge
Listening to and acknowledging your child’s feelings – no matter how unreasonable they might be – is a great way to role-model tolerance to your child before you go on to disciplining them. You are also improving communication and helping them to respect you are in control.
CASE STUDY: Your child has hit another child in the playground and you’ve had to go in to break up the fight. Instead of shouting at your child to ‘stop it and say sorry’, first ask what went on, and acknowledge that something made them upset. Then say ‘I can see you’re upset, but you’ve also upset [the other child] by hitting them. You need to say sorry to them for hitting them’. If he does not say sorry, give him fair warning then remove him from the playground.
2) Reward and praise your child
When was the last time you caught your child doing something right? Praise from a parent is the best encouragement for good behaviour, giving long-term benefits to your child’s self confidence and develop their self-esteem.
CASE STUDY: Your child won’t sit down to do their homework, and is being aggressive towards you and their siblings when you try to make them. Suggest to your child that if they work on their homework for 20 minutes, they can play a game with you with they’re really good at. Start with the homework you know will be easiest for your child. If they makes a mistake, avoid the word ‘no’, using instead ‘are you sure about that answer?’ or ‘you had a great example of this earlier on, think about what you did before’. Keep your tone light and jokey, and make sure you pause after 20 minutes for your game, even if you have to go back to the homework to finish it off later.
3) Be fair and have reasonable consequences
Your child is more likely to stick to rules they have been involved in making. Sit down with them and draw up house rules which everyone has to stick by (one for every year of his age, up to 10). Besides these rules have a list of 5 appropriate consequences like losing some pocket money or even being grounded, and together match up which rule deserves which consequence.
CASE STUDY: Your child breaks a house rule. Remind him of the rule, tell them they have broken it and give them a warning that if they do it again, there will be the agreed consequences. If they repeat the bad behaviour, carry out the consequences calmly and immediately.
4) Be consistent
Always follow through with the agreed consequences, don’t put it off till later or forget about it for an easy life. Your child’s behavioural issues will benefit from the rules you’ve put into place only if you react every time in the same way.
CASE STUDY: You’re in the supermarket and your child steals something. The agreed consequence for this is to make a public apology to the store owner, then to go straight home. Do this immediately, even if you haven’t finished shopping.