1) The aggressive child
If you know your child is aggressive, there are various ways you can work together to prevent his temper from getting the better of him in the first place. Try to help him work out what he is feeling when he gets cross and angry, role play with him how certain situations make him feel and offer him alternative things to say and do (like ‘why don't you say this next time....'). Remind him to talk before he acts and to walk away from situations where he feels distressed.
Managing your own anger both gives him an excellent role model, and stops certain situations from heating up and taking off.
2) The defiant child
Your child talks back and answers ‘why should I' or simply ‘no' to every request, leaving you frustrated and angry.
Do not fight back: work to avoid a showdown ‘yes!' ‘no!' situation, and try not to see your child as bad. Offer choices and work ‘negotiation' into your house rules, so she can see you are trying to see her side of things. Use language which encourages co-operative behaviour like ‘I think it's time Tim had a turn on that now'. Try to explain how his behaviour makes you feel, saying ‘I feel a bit frustrated that you're just saying ‘no' to me all the time. What would you really like to happen here and how can we work together on that?'
3) The liar
If you know what your child is saying is a lie, calmly let them know you know without demanding that they confess to being dishonest. Most kids lie because they've made a mistake and want to cover up. Statements like ‘don't pretend - I know you did it' or ‘how did this happen?!' will just make matters worse in these situations. Instead, if you know she's guilty, say ‘I see Tim's toy is broken. What shall we do about it?' so you can talk it through together.
Don't let her off the hook just because she tells the truth, but show you think she did the right thing by owning up to you. Afterwards praise her for telling you the truth eventually and mention you hope she'll do the same in the future. Gently give her a warning, and an opening to tell you the truth. Sometimes kids get caught up in their own lies, and find it difficult to backtrack. Hold off saying ‘you told me you'd done your homework!' but instead ‘can you show me your homework when it's done, please?'
4) The child who swears and lacks respect
There's no middle-ground with this child, you must show him what is acceptable in his growing independence, and what is not allowed in your home. Speaking politely and respectfully to him you are projecting a good role model for him, but by standing your ground, sticking to your house rules and the consequences you are sending out a clear message: you mean what you say.